@meganamram: Sometimes I sit on my hand till it's numb so it feels like someone else is googling my name
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@KalvinMacleod: NEWS: 1.3 million people die in car accidents a year ME: [driving with my knees so I can put two hands on my burger] that's hard to believe
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: If you love something, set it free. If it returns, it probably can't pay its student loans.
@Leemanish: Some patients are going to die, & you have to learn to accept that. It's just part of being an extremely bad chiropractor.
@ArfMeasures: BANK ROBBER: There'll be no trouble as long as everyone is cool ME *remembering I'm me* oh no