@meganamram: Sometimes I sit on my hand till it's numb so it feels like someone else is googling my name
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@sfreeze6: My resume is just an old VHS tape of the "Life Goes On" episode where Corky lip syncs "Fight the Power" for his school's talent show.
@ruinedpicnic: [Friend opens Christmas present] Me: It's a lie detector Friend: Oh... I love it Me: (whispering) we'll see
@MrGeorgeWallace: If a gang attacks U say you're on their side & U brought them "gang supplies". They'll let you go to the car to get the supplies. Drive away
@Sassafrantz: Ghosts are pretty cool because they can literally do anything they want, but they choose to hide my keys.