@afloodofblood: Sometimes I spend so much time on Twitter in the bathroom that I actually pee twice.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Is it "butt" naked or "buck" naked? Either way, this dentist appointment is making me very uncomfortable.
@Donna_McCoy: Replace someone's MRI with a dancing skeleton gif once, and you'll never be asked to deliver bad news again.
@hythemafia: Sperm 1: "Geez I'm exhausted, how much further to the Fallopian tubes?" Sperm 2: "A long way, we've just passed the tonsils..."