@afloodofblood: Sometimes I spend so much time on Twitter in the bathroom that I actually pee twice.
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@notthattom: i talk to dumb ppl the same way i talk to a puppy... "who's blocking the exit?? WHO? who's blockin' the way!?! YOU are! yes you are!!!"
@sammyrhodes: Do they make a scale that says things like "Those shorts probably weigh, what, like 15 pounds?"
@Pirate_nurse: In my defense I told him it was my cheat day and I didn't understand why he brought home cupcakes and not Juan from the gym
@salmarch79: ABC NEWS: Bees fly and make honey FOX: Islamic insects attacking Texas CNN: flying warbirds create liquid yellow weapons of mass destruction