@noneofyours99: * thinks of a tweet before falling asleep * decided to remember a "key word* so I can remember it * wakes up * forgot key word

@FakeDeanAccount: I like to reinvent myself every year, last year I was a small Italian woman and the year before that a bear.

@Terdoh: I had a dream where children were allowed to pick their parents, and I woke up thinking "This is not The Gates' residence."

@david8hughes: [me narrating a documentary about grasshoppers] And here we see these little liars hopping on sand.

@WilliamAder: Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you last month? Me: The package said "Take on an empty stomach" so, not yet.