@That1chk: Sometimes I think I'm too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to shit.
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@CuppleOthoughts: Biden: We need theme music when we walk into a room Obama: Joe be professional Biden: STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON, CRAZY MOTHER- #BidenMemes
@UNTRESOR: [meeting GF's mom] Wow! This must be your sister! Your baby sister! *shakes keys in front of her face* I'm overselling this, aren't I?
@noog: God: What's that? Noah: The aquarium God: For what? Noah: The fish God: Fish can survive floods Noah: *kicks llama* YOU SAID EVERY ANIMAL