@9to5Life: Sometimes I think we're all going to be okay. Other times I read Yahoo Answers.
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@DillDoes: *rubs lamp* Genie: "you get three wishes" Me: "I wish I wasn't so alone" Genie: "k wow I'm like right here"
@the_gramble: Coworker: Do you have good taste in music? Me: I can only taste things I put in my mouth Both of us thinking: I work with an idiot
@joejwest: [on date] ME: I like my women like I like my wine WAITER: [arrives] Anything to drink? ME: [clears throat] One glass of very hot wine please