@charstarlene: Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don't wanna have to explain why I'm in your 'Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
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@KeetPotato: [2 years after going missing at zoo] wife: [points at TV] "omg thats him" me: [on the news inside kangaroos pouch] "why is noone helping me"
@batkaren: JON: What should I do with these extra mustard packs? MARY: Just stuff 'em in the Lazy Susan. SUSAN: Hey, I'm right here! (*remains seated*)
@Izianikapani: I admire women with the restraint to draw on their eyebrows. I wouldn't be able to stop until I'd added glasses and a moustache.
@murrman5: *catches frisbee* "this is the kinda thing I mean when I say you guys don't take staff meetings seriously"