@WildeThingy: Sometimes I worry that pizza isn't a real sport
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@moooooog35: A bright side to having kids is that if I'm ever trapped in my car I have 3 years worth of half-empty water bottles and goldfish to live on.
@smirkykev: In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c'mon...even I've done THAT!"
@NicestHippo: TRUMP: I just killed & ate a homeless man MEDIA: You're a monster TRUMP: This sort of political correctness is what's ruining our country
@TheBoydP: Serious question. How does my local grocery store keep figuring out my favorite brand or flavor of a product so they can stop carrying it?