@WildeThingy: Sometimes I worry that pizza isn't a real sport
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@NicestHippo: It's disturbing that when we see a man's mustache fall off we assume it's an identity theft situation and not a medical emergency
@chrissyteigen: Does the baby have access to my ribs? It feels like they're bars and she's an old timey prisoner with a tin mug
@JoParkerBear: Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous. You're practically begging for typos.
@XnotafunnyladyX: Apparently I have a few "tells" when I'm angry. But I light things on fire when I'm happy too so don't pretend you know me.