@Underchilde: Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
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@carlyme23: If you want her - tell her. If you need her - show her. If you yearn for her - touch her. Just make sure her husband's not at home.
@mindykaling: When I wear those trendy sports bras with a million straps I get stuck in them like a seagull in a six pack ring
@simoncholland: I'm sorry you're breaking up [static sound] I'm about to go through a tunnel. Dad, we're right in front of you Uh..... go ask your mom.
@BuckyIsotope: Brought a stapler to a gun fight and now everyone is neatly organized into piles of corpses and sorted by height. The police will be pleased