@_NTFG_: Sometimes when I say "I'm OK", what I really want is for someone to give me a hug, say "You're not OK" and hand me $10,000.
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@EndhooS: "Daddy, where do babies come from?" Show him Edna.. [mum stops slicing carrots] *starts violently gagging until a baby slides out her mouth*
@pbear79: I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said... "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."
@JohnLyonTweets: Not only was my brother not mad when I backed into his Porsche, he even invited me camping and said to bring a shovel. Whew!