@OfficeofSteve: Sometimes when I'm drunk, I put on a trench coat, lurk around the shadows and pretend I'm the host from Unsolved Mysteries
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@MarlonBrandNO: [In Bar] Friend: Your fly is down Me: I know, he's going through a messy divorce *glances to fly passed out among empty beer bottles*
@weinerdog4life: Turn your proctologist into a magician by stuffing 45 feet of scarves in your butt.
@BlindChow: [pitching script] WRITER: then the motorcyclist removes their helmet… PRODUCER: *yawns*…and its a woman? W: it's a burrito P: holy shit