@UrbanDouchebag: Sometimes when I'm feeling lonely, I write a letter to a prison inmate to tell them how much better my life is than theirs.
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@TheRolo: And on the 8th day, God almost created Lionel Richie but was all like "Naw, I'll just hold off a few thousand years then one day HELLO!"
@Book_Krazy: *opens drawer* huh, I don't remember this shirt being pink. OMG...did he...did he do laundry? *slowly opens 2nd drawer* -Law & Order sound
@Molly_Kats: YOU TWEETED 23 TIMES TODAY. RT @realDonaldTrump People ask me what I do in my free time. The answer--I don't have any.
@canadian_jane: I respect strippers because its really hard to dance by yourself and not look stupid.