@chaddaniels34: Sometimes when my wife tells me she loves me I get the feeling it's the tennis kind.
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@SardonicTart: How to beat depression: 1) Talk to someone 2) When that person says "just cheer up," beat that person with a baseball bat.
@ghostkrogh: [grocery store] Me (chewing): why are these grapes expensive Cashier: We know ppl eat them before they pay Me (still chewing): well I never
@tuckerflodman: Hey girl, on a scale of 'Neo's mind in the beginning of The Matrix' and 'Neo's mind at the end', how free are you tonight?
@LaTreiHinton: Tom & Jerry had the realest beef of all time..... nvr said a word.... it was jus on sight ..