@i_love_fudge: Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there's a giant dog with a tiny woman in her purse.
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@UncleDuke1969: Superman: How'd you know? Lex: Know what? S: My secret identity! L: Whaddya mean? S: You called me a KENT!! L: That's NOT what I called you.
@ShortSleeveSuit: [speed dating] Her: Nice to meet you Me [on meth]: I HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD THE SITUATION
@3sunzzz: [Bob Dylan giving singing lessons] I'd like you to sing it again, but this time plug your nose and put these 5 marbles in your mouth.
@LOUD_Thoughts_: I have a condition that I eat when I can't sleep. Its called Insom-nom-nom-nomnia.