@briangaar: Son, let me tell you the story of the Three Bears. A girl broke into their house and they ate her. Stay out of my stuff, goodnight
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@jtswhipped: To the woman that told her husband to "bite my ballsack" at the store today,I golf clapped because you won life.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I really need to go on the show Survivor. Not for the money or the fame. It's just the only way I'm ever gonna effectively lose weight.
@osoplain: I'm texting hubs a grocery list one item at a time so he can experience his phone blowing up