@briangaar: Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of ... oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now.
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@dmc1138: This one time, I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
@Gennefer: I like the idea of almond milk, but then I can't get the image out of my head of someone milking a nut.
@Quartzjixler: If by 'paleontologist' you mean I can name all 5 shapes in the box of dinosaur chicken nuggets then, yes, I am a paleontologist.
@VerbsRProudest: One time I knocked my hot curling iron off the sink & caught it in my open palm because I have the catlike reflexes of a dim-witted ninja.