@briangaar: Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of ... oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now.
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@trumpetcake: Eating chocolate pudding from a diaper is a good way to get a whole row to yourself at the cinema.
@rachelle_mandik: do you think the guy who designed hand grenades really hated pineapples, or really loved them?
@Sam_From_Kansas: This waitress at Olive Garden has been grating cheese onto my plate for 13 hours now.
@Mikecanrant: A huge gorgeous butterfly landed on my arm just now. Naturally I screamed and flailed my arms around frantically, but lovely really.