@briangaar: Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of ... oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now.
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@Try2StopME: Girl1: Why are you so happy? Girl2: I was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine"
@AsaAkira: A lot of you are calling me "mom" lately. Is it cause I'm old? Or cause you respect me? I hope for your sake it's cause I'm old.
@HeyJennyConway: Oh baby, were not going to need a 'do not disturb' sign. We're going to need a 'please don't call the police were fine' sign.
@shutupmikeginn: if someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun