@longwall26: Son, we don't play Hungry Hungry Hippos for "fun." We play it to learn how friends turn on each other in moments of desperation and scarcity
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@BruceForce: Some dude told me he's had 100 times more girls than me which made me laugh so much because 100 x 0 is still 0.
@NickBossRoss: You'd think after 12 years of filming Boyhood someone would be like hey maybe we should make this good.
@Mr_Kapowski: *returns lost dog* Lady: That's not him. He was white Me: *holding a brown dog* He asked to swing by the salon. Add the color to my reward
@squirrel74wkgn: [at work] Carl, did you get naked when you used the bathroom? *standing there with his shirt & pants on backwards* "No...why do you ask?"