@longwall26: Son, we don't play Hungry Hungry Hippos for "fun." We play it to learn how friends turn on each other in moments of desperation and scarcity
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@DamienFahey: Congratulations, Americans who write "Cheers" at the end of e-mails. You've found something even more pretentious than "Sent from my iPhone"
@envydatropic: I just want to be rich enough to donate enough money to have a wing at the mental hospital named after me
@TheDailySchmuck: I'm not racist. Some of my best friends are white such as Joey, Phoebe and Rachel. And I can't forget Chandler.
@naughtywriter2: At my funeral - The pastor: "She was truly an angel that fell from heaven" My ex, whispering to my other ex: "So was Lucifer!"