@SCbchbum: “Son, would you like to go to college some day, or would you like to keep ordering guac? Your choice.”
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@_wendyb07: Just some repair guys and me at work right now. If a pizza delivery guy and a director show up, I'm leaving.
@relatabledad: every morning i swallow a piece of paper that says "keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case i die and doctors gotta do an autopsy on me
@chris_isloi: I'm going to subtly spread my brownie crums across your car because I silently resent you for changing the song.
@OneStopComedy: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.