@SCbchbum: “Son, would you like to go to college some day, or would you like to keep ordering guac? Your choice.”
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@weedguy420boner: why do we park in the driveway but fetishize an impossible and ridiculous masculinity on the hemingway
@internetluke: [cops showing wife my body] "Why is he 50m from where he got shot?" "Our best guess was he tried crawling home to clear his browser history"
@SamuelHLowe: I forgive you, but I hope your death is written, produced, and directed by Quentin Tarantino.
@hippieswordfish: *she leans in close* 'kyle, what's your wildest fantasy?' *i close my eyes and imagine opening a 10pc chicken nugget and finding 11 pieces*