@curlycomedy: Songs with lyrics like, "We don't need sleep," why are you rebelling against naps? What are you--four?
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@Bagyants: "What if we make headphones that stay in people's ears?" "Good idea Bob!" [aside] "Kill him and his whole family." -Apple meeting
@Reverend_Scott: That IS a banana in my pocket AND I'm happy to see you. Why must society make these two things mutually exclusive??
@putyoursisterd1: Possible Fact: If you suffer with freezing cold hands, you are contractually obliged to test their temperature by putting them on people.
@SamReidSays: Netflix, stop making me wait 15 seconds between episodes. I can't click because I'm eating cereal and a sandwich.