@curlycomedy: Songs with lyrics like, "We don't need sleep," why are you rebelling against naps? What are you--four?
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@d_duhwit: Elf cop:"We got a robbery in progress on Candy Cane lane. Hit the light Rudolf! *Rudolf sticks nose through sunroof*
@JB4Realz: WIFE: What the...? ME: I'm teaching him to play piano. W: You idiot! M *covering chicken's ears*: Not in front of Johann Sebastian Bock-Bock
@chrisanna4real: My signature move is being a complete idiot trying to convince someone that I'm not drink. Drank. Drunk.