@curlycomedy: Songs with lyrics like, "We don't need sleep," why are you rebelling against naps? What are you--four?
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@chrissyteigen: I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will never describe me as "quiet"
@briangaar: I'm just looking for a woman who is smart, funny & can drive a getaway car tomorrow morning at 8
@rickolantern: My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I'd have to stay away from carbs So I've been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
@Jake_Vig: Try not to put yourself in a position where you have to say "I'm not actually a Nazi"