@TheGoodGodAbove: Sorry for letting bad things happen to good people all these years.
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@CoolCamel69: "How's your love life?" Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. "I'm sorry man" it's ok. still got laid.
@robdelaney: Shouldn't there have been ONE scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel's mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man's shed?"
@slimmy_shady: Homeless man asked me if I could 'spare some change'. I told him 'change comes from within'. Long story short, I'm missing a kidney.
@Rollmaninoz: *Caterpillar marriage therapy* Wife: he's not the man I married Husband flying around room: I'm the same on the inside Karen!!!