@Laser_Cat: Sorry, grandma. You stood up. You have to be Slim Shady now.
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@Rollinintheseat: *Shakespeare resetting his password* "Enter new password." Fortnight "Your password is two weeks."
@StellaGMaddox: I grounded my kid from electronics for a week and now he won't stop talking to me and I think I've made a horrible mistake.
@RxitWounds: Is this your 1st video conference call? *Takes HUGE bong rip* *Holding it in* umm no So you're aware we can see you? *Cough* what *cough*
@PJTLynch: *wife sees me crying* Her: What's going on? Me: The kids gave me this *holds up Dad Is #1 mug* W: That's sweet H: Sweet? They think I'm pee!