@thetigersez: Sorry I booped your nose when you said that you loved me.
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@electrolemon: independence day 2 has been out in the US for mere hours and it has already been upstaged by a somehow even worse independence day overseas
@hotdogsladies: Whenever our neighbor's dog is barking, I know there's either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
@HenpeckedHal: Me: "As a single dad, I find that--" Her: "Uhhh, we're married." Me: "Right, but I'm the only dad."
@AndyAsAdjective: Movies led me to believe there would be a whole lot more unlocked cars just sitting around with the keys tucked away in the overhead visor.