@Parentpains: Sorry I can't attend your Facebook event, I'll be busy throwing myself off a cliff that day.
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@PaperWash: I quit smoking cold turkey 1 year ago but sometimes I still get the urge to go into fridge and light up a slice
@Playing_Dad: Major Tom: This is Major Tom to Ground Control I'm stepping through the door & I'm floating in a most peculiar way GC: New phone. Who dis?
@KenJennings: Ok America now is our chance to catch up on productivity, health care, math & science while the rest of the world is drunk & watching soccer
@ShawnIzadi: Why use words you don't understand in your tweets? It just makes you look photosynthesis.