@_SetTheHook_: Sorry, I can't make it. Can't find my "goin out" sweatpants.
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@brianbowman73: I shot a man in Reno, Just to watch him cry. It was just a Nerf gun you big baby!
@stevevsninjas: Me: Can you check my balance on this gift card? Cashier: ok Me: [ steps on card, lifts other foot without wavering ] Pretty good, right?
@Jessberrie: I worked as a programmer for autocorrect but the fried me for no raisin #PunYourJob
@thatUPSdude: Cop; Know why I pulled you over? Me; Because you got beat up in high school Cop;....... Me; Because you got beat up in high school, Sir?