@OhNoSheTwitnt: Sorry I commented on that video of your kid taking his first steps with "aw look you taught it how to walk on its hind legs!"
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@junejuly12: Desks that can easily support a few hundred lbs must have some naughty stories to tell the other desks at break time.
@SirEviscerate: [Lab] Co-worker: "Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?" Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno.
@Book_Krazy: [Airport security] Guard: Your flight leaves in 5 minutes Centipede: No problem. I'll just run. I have 100 legs. Guard: Remove your shoes
@BuckyIsotope: CAPTAIN AMERICA: *punches guy* Take that villain CAPTAIN BRITAIN: *punches guy* Take that guvnor CAPTAIN CANADA: *punches guy* I am so sorry