@OhNoSheTwitnt: Sorry I commented on that video of your kid taking his first steps with "aw look you taught it how to walk on its hind legs!"
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@click4amanda: War vets with prosthetic limbs are running marathons and I'm busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
@jordan_stratton: RRH: Grandma, what big eyes you have. And what big ears you have. And what big TEETH you have! Grandma: You're my least favorite grandchild
@jonnysun: remeber: you hav the same number of hours in the day as this tree. and how much oxygen hav u produced? oh none? oh u CONSUMED OXYGEN!?!???
@Macar00ny: Give a man a subtweet and he'll be like "is this about me?" Teach a man to subtweet you'll be like "is that about me?"