@lisaxy424: Sorry I commented "yikes" on that pic of your baby you posted on facebook.
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@BDGarp: I’m sitting next to a beautiful woman at a bar so now it’s only a matter of time before nothing happens.
@noog: People act like weed is the worst thing for short-term memory. Go drink 15 beers and see if you can remember your name or how legs work.
@BendyBacon: Grammar Tip: When the zombie apocalypse starts I will be using people who write 'would of' instead of 'would have' as human shields.
@DumbConfessions: [in Paris] Will you have sex with me? "No monsieur." Okay, like, I don't speak French. BLINK ONCE FOR NO AND TWICE FOR YES.