@IamEnidColeslaw: sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck
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@OtherDanOBrien: *Detective stands over murder victim* This looks like a case of... *Takes off sunglasses* *Removes contacts* *Brushes teeth* *Goes to bed*
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I think this patient is dying. What blood type is he?" Nurse: "B positive." Doctor: "Okay. I don't think this patient is dying."
@RoosterMustache: HER: I love sweater weather ME: *holding up an umbrella to protect us from falling sweaters* It's that time of year again already?!