@IamEnidColeslaw: sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck
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@Gooooats: I keep trying to turn my hat around backwards so I can get down to business, but it's a sombrero and I'm making zero progress.
@DanMentos: [showing my 4yo a Slinky] me: look, it’s walking down the stairs kid: what else can it do me: literally nothing
@MisterBombay: Whenever I'm waiting for an elevator & the door finally slides open I pretend I'm on a Game Show & just won a group of people
@BillyYvonne: Two eggs, some bacon, and a piece of toast walk into a bar. The bartender says, hey! We don't serve breakfast here. #Tellyourworstjoke