@ForEllieSylvia: Sorry I flinched when you told me you loved me. I've been practicing my poker face. Can we try again?
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@NicestHippo: In America, we decide to bomb people after a week of reflection, but have debated the legality of smoking a plant for 40 years
@ReticentTurnip: [job interview] Interviewer: What is your biggest weakness Me: Well, I don't really want to do anything
@outsmartedmommy: 7yo: Did you drink coffee before we were born? Me: Yes 7yo: Did you eat pancakes? Me: Yes 7yo: What didn't you do? Me: Talk while peeing.
@TexasHickspanic: I can only please one person a day, and i already pleased myself this morning.. so y'all are screwed!