@Marlebean: Sorry I gave you a sympathy card at your baby shower, but... well you'll see soon enough.
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@CodyJP9412: Old people that say tattoos are a waste of money: You have entire cabinets dedicated to plates that no one is allowed to use.
@markleggett: Whenever a woman tells me that she just wants to have a good time and sleep with me, I say "You can only pick one."
@venomjunkie2: I keep a banana in my pocket just in case, because I’m really not glad to see anybody.