@Marlebean: Sorry I gave you a sympathy card at your baby shower, but... well you'll see soon enough.
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@envydatropic: Current life status - By the time I figure out what nostril is plugged, it jumps to the other side.
@DaddyJew: Boss: you're late Me: traffic Carol: he was in his car taking selfies again Me: goddammit Carol, I will cut you
@ScaryMommy: In marriage, there are two conversations: The one you think you're having and the one your husband hears.
@kyry5: The reason I switched from a backpack to a messenger bag is so that I look more classy and professional carrying nothing but snacks to work.