@iRowlf: Sorry I hacked your e-cig. You've actually been vaping a dead bird for a month.
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@imdaintyaf: How do animals in children's books always have nicer houses than mine when they don't have jobs & all they do all day is learn life lessons?
@NicestHippo: [serial killers talking] Anyway I stood there for like 10 minutes, but she never wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror so I just left
@iLikeCatShirts: Vanilla Ice: if there was a problem, yo I'll solve it... [Guy from back of concert]: why did my dad leave?