@iRowlf: Sorry I hacked your e-cig. You've actually been vaping a dead bird for a month.
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@That_Damn_Duck: *Watching YouTube videos* Boss: What are you watching? Me: .... Boss: ... Me: Church? Boss: That's a dog on a unicycle. Me: Praise The Lord!
@pleatedjeans: When getting rid of old clothes you have 2 options: 1. Donate to Goodwill 2. Dress every raccoon within a 5-mile radius
@aveuaskew: I'm supposed to be afraid of you because you are a twitter badass? What are you going to do, caps lock me?