@iRowlf: Sorry I hacked your e-cig. You've actually been vaping a dead bird for a month.
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@T_Bonezzz: If you're with me when I die, remember 2 things: 1) Do Not Resuscitate 2) Smash Phone on Ground
@Steven37366100: Flight attendant: Can I get you something to drink? Me: What kind of gravy do you have?