@iRowlf: Sorry I hacked your e-cig. You've actually been vaping a dead bird for a month.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@NapoleonNappy1: Ok, I am now following you. Where are we going? I vote for Arby's. I love the horsey sauce. I shall bring my own horse.
@VelouriaDaze: *walks into lift* Guy: going down? Me: I'll need a first date for that. *silence* *doors open* Dammit Twitter!
@PhilJamesson: Fortune Teller: I see a trip in your future Me [cancelling a week-long trip to Peru]: haha nope. wrong, idiot. [fall down stairs as I leave]
@samfromks: Her: What veggies are the kids having with dinner? Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes...