@iRowlf: Sorry I hacked your e-cig. You've actually been vaping a dead bird for a month.
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@KalvinMacleod: ALIEN: take me to ur leader ME: ok [later at zoo] A: wtf M: a lemur A: I said leader M: well ur ship is so loud I couldn’t hear a damn thing
@thewordy: boys love mysterious girls so don't be afraid to show up to dates with a shovel and a smear of fresh blood on your collar
@hippieswordfish: it's easy as pie! 'what does that even mean?' *pie stumbles in drunk* pie: i just had sex with the homeless guy under the bridge 'oh'