@CarolineCasey: Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.
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@_NinJar: *cop frisking me* Cop: "theres nothin in your pockets that will poke me, right?" Uh, no Cop: "OW!" *baby porcupine jumps out* RUN POKEY, RUN
@CopBroughtPizza: [car dealership] "it's just like walking, except now you have to move your mass AND this 2,000lb vehicle." fred flintstone: i'll take it!
@rickygervais: Trump worked his way up from nothing. He's going to give every American the same 1 million dollars he started with. That's all you need.