@CarolineCasey: Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.
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@DevilryFun: I got a facial tonight by hovering over the boiling water before throwing in the mac n cheese.
@Chumpstring: [invention of croutons] Let me put a few bread rocks on top of your salad. Trust me, people in neighboring cities will hear you eating this.
@LurkAtHomeMom: I feel bad for women who say finding true love is the best experience in life. They've obviously never found their bra size on clearance.