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@CantWaitToNap: Sorry I hit you with my car over and over... but you kept getting up.
@spacej_me: Sorry you handed me your baby and I immediately put it in the garbage I thought that's what we were doing.
@iGreenMonk: My Wife: Why are you home so early?
Me: My boss told me to go to hell
@LarrysTwin99: I’m going to throw up in my cat’s bed and see how she likes it
@skizzyl: My kid keeps getting his pants leg wrapped in the chain of his bike, it's a vicious cycle.
@shegotagronk: It's so beautiful outside. I should probably do something...Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my computer screen.