@Manda_like_wine: Sorry I pretended I was drowning so you could see how incredible my hair looked underwater.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Cleaning up is a superpower. Don't you want to be a superhero? 5-year-old: I'll just be a bad guy.
@RadioShorty: So let me get this right. The guys on big bang theory are super smart scientific nerds, yet their elevator is broken?!
@Jay_FrickinLynn: [During Interview] "Do you have any questions?" - Yeah, inTitanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?
@iamspacegirl: [Spelling Bee] Judge: Your word is... Grease. Me: Grease is the word? Judge: Yes. Grease is the word that you heard.