@Manda_like_wine: Sorry I pretended I was drowning so you could see how incredible my hair looked underwater.
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@HunkyBeefy: "What has 8 arms, is ominous looking and ink is its weapon of choice?" "An octopus?" "No Jeff, the answer is my wife's 4 divorce attorneys"
@Jake_Vig: Dear rock bands, If I am at your show, assume I am both ready and willing to rock. No need to ask.
@puppy_eggs: It's wrong! If gay marriage is legal who will stop me marrying this painting of a horse. This majestic painting. Who will stop me kissing it
@robfee: Dang girl are you the American health care system because if I don't give you all my money you'd have no problem watching me die.