@Swishergirl24: Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
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@trojansauce: [meeting zac efron at a book signing six years after my wife said she thought he was handsome] well hello there mister home wrecker
@Marlebean: *interrupts your heartfelt story* Oh NOW I hear your New York accent!! Say "dying wish" again! Ok now say "coffee"!
@AbbieEvansXO: “god I love doggy style” I say excitedly as I put a top hat and bow tie on my golden lab
@JimGaffigan: When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one should be that happy.