@SabotagedSmoke: Sorry I romantically ran a seagull feather across your lips.
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@bourgeoisalien: serious question: when someone's telling you a horrible story and they're crying; how long should I wait before take a bite of my corn dog?
@Tommytoughstuff: COP: [flashes his light into my car] ME: *struggles to roll down window* "Sorry this isn't my car."
@AbbieEvansXO: Hostage: [screaming] Mafia boss: hurry up and tape his mouth! Me: [still trying to find the beginning of the tape on the roll]