@SabotagedSmoke: Sorry I romantically ran a seagull feather across your lips.
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@Sickayduh: I tried to kill a spider by drowning it in douche and now it keeps picking fights with me on social media
@GoldenSpirals: He told me I was the "bee's knees". I believe I merit being compared to something more like a lemur's femur. Who doesn't love Zoboomafoo?
@WilliamRodgers: "If you love something, set it free..." Unless it's a man... Cause he'll get lost... And you know he won't ask for directions...