@SabotagedSmoke: Sorry I romantically ran a seagull feather across your lips.
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@theshamingofjay: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like shit until you have something someone else needs
@SirEvisiae: *pretends to throw ball* *dog runs to chase it* Ha, stupid dog. *dog keeps running, disappears over horizon* Um *dog tackles me from behind*
@TeaAndCopy: Me: Excuse me, where's the rowing boat equipment? Employee: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle. Me: … Employee: … Me: Or you'll what?
@ericsshadow: [hospital] DOCTOR: Your wife signed a DNR ME: I'm here for a sprained ankle DOCTOR: She insisted