@topaz_kell: Sorry I rubbed your belly for good luck, wealth and prosperity.
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@SaltyCorpse: You're not a real parent until you've secretly wished your child's sports team does bad in a tournament so you can go home early.
@mrjohndarby: [World Cat Conference] President Cat: We have to dispell these stereotypes about cats. We need to- *he pushes his own notes off the podium*
@CornOnTheGoblin: [my mom pretends to answer her phone] hello? oh hi Batman...i dunno if he's eating his vegetables or not me: [mouth full of broccoli] i am!
@Reverend_Scott: MARY JANE: daddy, what's my name from? ME: it's from the comic Spider-Man 420BLAZEIT: and mine? ME: umm [sweating] also Spider-Man