@Book_Krazy: Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.
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@bobbiejo448: 5yo: I can't wear those socks today. They say Wednesday. Me: If anyone notices, tell them you're here from the future to save the world.
@Macar00ny: The first time a girl walked up to me and gave me her number I didn't know what to do so I ate it.
@LaniBeno: I don't understand what you mean by 'stop drinking so much'. How else will you know how much I love you at 2am every day?