@Reverend_Scott: Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
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@BobLoblaw143637: Lying on my bed struggling to squeeze into jeans The dog comes in to show emotional support ... followed by the cat, who came to judge.
@GrowlyGrego: It's like my racist grandpa used to say: "Good morning." That unrepentant bigot had many flaws, but cordial salutations wasn't one of them.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at work] Carl, did you get naked when you used the bathroom? *standing there with his shirt & pants on backwards* "No...why do you ask?"
@BigBBanter: Friend is going bungee jumping so I told him he was born because of a broken rubber and he could die the same way. He didn't laugh...