@SamuelHLowe: Sorry I said you looked like black Garfield in your Catwoman costume.
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@TheCatWhisprer: *wife grabs my wrist as I go overboard* Her: You're... slipping... Me: Pretend I'm the covers. *she easily pulls me to safety with one arm*
@holly_hjk: If a group of necrophiliacs ran into group of zombies...who would do the chasing? Oh, I went there...;)
@jwoodham: Don't let people tell you that life after college is nothing but being poor and tired. It's 100% true, but it's more fun if it's a surprise.
@AimeeHelene1: (telling a ghost story) You know those knocking noises you hear at night? That's adulthood coming for you! *all the adults start screaming*