@SamuelHLowe: Sorry I said you looked like black Garfield in your Catwoman costume.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AaronFullerton: "Your present is too big and weirdly shaped to wrap. Oh! What if I buried it in the yard?!" -me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no.
@LosLos__: Stop. Stop it right now. I'm going to count to five. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. ~A parenting haiku.
@JasonLastname: If you ever get hit by a car, try to spin like a ballerina. You won't get another chance like this.
@DurtMcHurtt: [first day as a pharmacist] CUSTOMER: the antacid I took isn't working. ME: *leans in close* that's cuz you're not an ant..