@5hael: Sorry I threw sliced bread at you when you were taking a duck face selfie
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@Mr_Kapowski: "Will you marry me?" "The cookie was poison" "The lotto numbers will never win" Examples of why I got fired from writing fortune cookies
@WhaJoTalkinBout: [Petco] INTERVIEWER: We're looking for a real fish person. ME: Like a mermaid? INTERVIEWER:
@JasonLastname: Accidentally pronounced wifi as "wifey" and the hotel concierge said the password's helping out around the house and being a good listener.