@audipenny: Sorry I was asleep when you texted me and just woke up when we ran into each other just now
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@Ivsy01: Him: (on phone) Why are you single? Me: (watching a movie about a killer tire) I don't know.
@icecube: Stealing endorsements is not how you become the president of the United States, homie. Leave my name out ya mouth...
@KalvinMacleod: HER: this isn't working out ME: is it because I'm too literal? HER: I just don't want to see you any more ME: ok *gently closes her eyes*
@Dutch_50: The way to a man's heart is thru his stomach. At least that's what the crazy woman with the butcher knife kept saying at the murder scene.