@Midgetspar: Sorry I'm late. My dog ate my car.
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@jonlovett: If we can't hit our kids, what's next? A society slowly becoming less violent as we learn more about child development and human psychology?
@jessokfine: When someone says "women like you" to me, I assume they're referring to extremely powerful wizards.
@TraylorParker: Me: YOU CAN DO IT SON! Son: Why are you being so encouraging? Are you drunk? Me: Yep. So pass your driving test or we're walking home.
@nickcreelman: Some people say they have a hamster on a wheel in their head. I have 4 squirrels fighting over an acorn.