@BuckyIsotope: Sorry ISIS but we already have a religious state that nobody likes and is full of people that hate modern thinking: it's called Kansas.
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@WhatevaConc: When complaining of a stomach ache, you don't really need to point to it or pat it gently. People pretty much know where the stomach is.
@Awesomemom10: Wow, I must look really hot tonight working out, everyone is totally staring at me. *walking on treadmill with a candy bar and a Pepsi
@jazmasta: "Ugh! Dave is coming to dinner" "Wait, Dave Jones or Dave who impersonates police cars?" [long silence] [hears faint sirens in the distance]
@garrydavenport: Watson: "Holmes, why are you wrapped in a thin aluminium sheet?" Holmes: "DAMMIT, FOILED AGAIN!"