@BuckyIsotope: Sorry ISIS but we already have a religious state that nobody likes and is full of people that hate modern thinking: it's called Kansas.
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@shutupmikeginn: Job Posting: local pond looking to hire tadpole, must have previous experience as frog
@wittwitbarista: I hate it when cops pull you over to give you pop quizzes like "do you know how fast you were going?"Or "is that a raccoon smoking a joint?"
@stephenjmolloy: CEO of KFC: "We must always respect our customers. That is so important." Ian: "Shall we still serve them food in a bucket?" CEO: "Yes."
@shatterpants: When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?" Then I frown & order the soup.