@MensHumor: Sorry, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours.
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@Black__Elvis: I used to think my neighbors were racist but that thoughtful burning cross they put in my yard proved to be a great source of natural light.
@Reverend_Scott: [first date] "So, I heard you work at the circus." [shallows bread stick whole] Nope. "You sure about that?" [chewing on glass] Yup
@TragicAllyHere: If you guys don't do my "Funeral Ideas" Pinterest board justice at my funeral, I will haunt you so hard *pinning ideas to "Haunting" board*
@WeissBrandon: YOU ARE GROUNDED!!!! ~ me, yelling hilarious shit at the beef in this grocery store.