@someofmybest: sorry to bodyshame, but ferrets have no business being that long
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@HeyZeus666: Anyone who doesn't believe in life after death has never walked away from a lousy job.
@peaceintruth1: I'm at my quickest when I try to follow someone out of the bathroom so I don't have to touch the handle.
@DamienFahey: If Leonardo da Vinci posted the Mona Lisa on Instagram today, it would get 30 likes, tops.
@spacej_me: Some people have sex to make a baby but I prefer the old fashioned way of capturing a wild baby, and that's how I ended up in jail