@someofmybest: sorry to bodyshame, but ferrets have no business being that long
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@IRLPepperMD: [911 call] IM GETTING EATEN- *pause* Ok one sec. *holds phone away from mouth* Are you an alligator or a crocodile? *pause* Cool. ITS A CRO-
@Spaziotwat: Deodorant? I've never needed to buy any. People just give it me. Complete strangers sometimes
@tangledteatime: Me: Am I your only friend? Imaginary friend: Sure are! Imaginary friend's imaginary friend: Wow, I'm right here.