@SortaBad: To impress a woman in the workplace, ignore her body and compliment her IDEAS. Example: Sharon it was a great idea to wear that tight skirt

@AristotlesNZ: So sick of not knowing if a girl's single. We need a symbol "Rings?" Not visible enough "Screw it, lets put a dot on their foreheads" -India

@Nahdude83: *puts sunglasses on a watermelon* *punches watermelon* "WHERE ARE ALL THE DRUGS!" *slams hands down* "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DID THEM ALL?!"

@mikeym00n: my doctor asked if it burns when I pee. I said only when it gets in my eyes.

@jus4golf: How many of you have awakened with your spouse holding your hand only to find they are putting your thumb on your iPhone trying to break in?