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@Tups13: I've discovered the best way to get attention is to sit on the coffee table and meow loudly.
@knittingninja00: it's not abuse if the substance likes it.
@imshitimsorry: lady at table behind me: sometimes babies get gassy. they can't burp so they get mad and cry
me, turning around angrily: its not JUST babies
@Elizasoul80: Michael Phelps just won another gold medal for taking the quickest bath.
@BoobsRadley: Therapist: resentment is like drinking poison in the vain hope it makes your enemies sick
Me: not if I'm banking on them eating my body