@Aerostars4Sale: SPECIAL COLUMBUS DAY SALE: For $300 you can drive one of our vans into Canada and claim you discovered it.
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@WheelTod: Well, well, well. Looks like I may have a lawsuit on my hands: a gynecologist refused to treat me, and I'm pretty sure it's because I'm gay.
@GoddessTitty: [Home invasion] Me: isn't there anything ELSE you want to take? Burglar: lady I told you I'm married
@truegritrumble: WIFE: Were you harassing that old gypsy woman again? ME: *fighting off a crow* Of course not! WIFE: You lying to me? ME: No. *rains frogs*
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: It's time for a vacation. Me: Where do YOU want to go? Wife: Hmm... Maybe the Bahamas? Me: Great idea! And, I'LL go camping upstate!