@slotjunkierose: Spent 10 mins trying to get into my car today...finally the door opened when the person who actually owned the car unlocked it.
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@liv_thatsme: "Don't you wish you had children?" Me: Don't you wish you had money, free time, & sanity?
@TheBoydP: Hey Mexican food restaurant waiter, if the basket is empty you don't have to ask. YES I WANT MORE CHIPS!
@booyahchadly: Before sending a tweet l always test it on my wife first. If she rolls her eyes and leaves the room, l know it has potential.
@WilliamRodgers: This could be the Alcohol talking but.... OMG you guys! The ALCOHOL is TALKING!