@RorynotRoy: Spent all last night mouthing words to my dog to try and convince him that he'd gone deaf.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: ♫ Taaaake onnn beeees ♪ [Take on bees] ♪ Taaaake beeeees onnn ♫ [Take on bees] Ooouch I'm stuuuuung ♪ Too many Beeeeees ♫
@Sarcasticsapien: People in love use phrases like "takes my breath away" and "swept me off my feet". I think they're confusing love with attempted murder.
@DancesWithTamis: "Hola! I'm Señor Coconut, children" [cracks head on the pavement. Children scream] "Drink me. Drink me. I'm full of vitamins and minerals"