@FaisalAdam_: Spider-man never tweets via iPhone. He's a web kinda guy.
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@RandySmithWhat: "[I] broke up with him because I was sick of justifying his trench coat to my friends" - Overheard on the bus
@ShadyLadyHH: I'm basically Switzerland. I'm cold and you have to get really high in order to truly appreciate my beauty.
@kelkulus: Kim Jong Un has upgraded himself from "Leader of North Korea" to "Supreme Leader of North Korea" by adding sour cream and extra cheese.
@causticbob: A man has been jailed for forging banknotes. He also got a big fine which he immediately paid in crisp $9 notes.