@FaisalAdam_: Spider-man never tweets via iPhone. He's a web kinda guy.
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@the_mom_dot_com: I just got laid. But don't worry, I was totally thinking about you guys the whole time.
@ChadKroeber: Me: *tries to knock 1st kite out of tree using 2nd kite* *gets 2nd kite stuck in tree* Genie: please don't w- Me: I wish for a third kite
@AmericanGent69: Co-Worker: Poor John has been single forever. We should set him up. Me: *hiding cocaine and a gun in his office desk* I’m on it.