@briancthayer: Spiders were super disappointed when they finally saw the world wide web.
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@robfee: If the ESPN Fantasy Football app were slower and unreliable it would be playing quarterback for the Bears.
@Darlainky: "It's important to remember Snitches get stitches", I whisper to my 5 year old nephew as my sister asks who drank all of her wine.
@AmateurIdiot: If I insisted on getting my kids to bed by 7:00 every night, I'd have to start their bedtime routine just after breakfast.
@joejwest: I'm going to freeze some of my sperm so that if something goes wrong later in life, I can kill my nemesis with a disgusting icicle.